Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
