all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
