Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize