I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
