Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
