hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
