phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
