one word: firstdatebathroomanal
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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