Where is the hickey?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
