Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
