im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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