I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
