I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
