You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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