Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
