Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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