I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i will never coherently bang her
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
