Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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