she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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