how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
