My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
ttyl tear gas
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
