He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm just crazy horny about you
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
