the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
