I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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