girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
