I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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