his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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