why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
