he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Found the puke drawer
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
