There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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