he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
