One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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