Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
