remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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