but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
