So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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