why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize