sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
