U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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