That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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