Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
