god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
