I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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