mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
