woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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