If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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