Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
