You really coming over, don't trick.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
