I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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