my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
