We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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