dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize