we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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