News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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