Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
