saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize