I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Do vagina's smell?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
