3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
