The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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