Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
