My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
