Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize