I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
