i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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