i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
