Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
