She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
