at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
