Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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