Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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