porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
