I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
