the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize