I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
